Digging Out

The Life Changer

I had moved back to Missouri, and had started back to work when a co worker called me and asked if I would go out on a blind date with her and her husband. The guy was a friend and co worker of her husband. He was an Archeologist, very interesting guy. We ended up dating for a few months. He was also an Atheist.

During my dating time, I also had a previous guy I had gone out with on occasion calling. One night I had just come home from seeing the Archeologist when this other guy calls wanting me to come over. When a guy calls you at 11pm it’s not because he misses you, or even likes you. He is calling because prior plans did not work out, he’s drunk and he knows your an idiot who is so unhappy she’ll get in her car and be right over. Why not.

I had never sunk so low or felt so disgusted with myself. I crept out while he was sleeping, or passed out. Same thing for him. I was so mad at him, but more mad at me. I had no connection with anyone anymore. How could I stay dating a guy who I had nothing in common with, sleep with a guy who cared nothing about me? I had lost all respect for me, I had it in my head I was nothing. I felt I was nothing to be loved, nothing to be respected, nothing.

Remember the guy that was praying for me while I was in Oregon? He was still praying. He and I were talking on the phone, I was telling him of all the wrong choices I had been making, how I was feeling so lost and I didn’t know what to do. He said, “ Date me.’ My mind said no, he’s to good for you, you don’t want a good guy! My mouth said ok. He showed up on my step with Honey Nut Cheerios and a bag of Sonic ice, two of my favorite things. My life was about to change.

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