I was still looking at relationships wrong, I kept looking at them like temporary things, not trusting that they can last, that someone may put in the work to love me and make a decision or even a promise that they would be with me for life. I was still in the mindset that things may or may not work, that I would just leave if they didn’t work. I was the unlovable, a problem child, a selfish, I must always get my way no matter what person. Why did this guy even want to be around me?
He knew I was struggling in my apartment so he suggested my youngest son and I move in with him and his daughter. At the time this was fine with me, because it made things temporary, I didn’t have to make any kind of commitment right? It was safe.
People at church felt a little different about it than we did, and at the time I just shirked whatever was being said. I justified things in my head, I did not want another divorce. I did not want to make another promise I couldn’t or wouldn’t keep. Honestly tho, was that the way to look at this beautiful relationship I had been gifted with?
I was still being so immature, still only thinking of self, as I had always done. This was different tho, this relationship was so different than any I had ever been in. This man was in. He was in for the roller coaster ride of Katherine. He was in for the WTH just happened. He was in for the “why are we crying now?”. He was in for beautiful sunrise and sunset times too. He was in for the beautiful, tragic, adventurous, sad, happy, funny, ecstatic, wonderful love that was in the making.